According to a study, almost two million schoolchildren are affected by cyberbullying. It is now a “permanent problem”. The coronavirus pandemic has exacerbated the situation.
Cyberbullying is widespread among children and young people: more than 1.8 million schoolchildren (16.7 per cent) have already been affected, according to a study published today by the Techniker Krankenkasse and the Alliance against Cyberbullying.
However, the proportion of students between the ages of eight and 21 who said they had already been affected by cyberbullying fell slightly compared to the previous study in 2020. Two years ago, it was 17.3 per cent. However, the number is still at a high level. In 2017, before the coronavirus pandemic, the proportion was 12.7 per cent.
“The results show that cyberbullying has become a permanent problem in schools and in the private lives of children and young people,” said Uwe Leest, chairman of the Alliance Against Cyberbullying. The consequences are underestimated, and the perpetrators do not have to face any consequences.
Young people spend more time online due to the pandemic.
According to the survey, the pandemic exacerbated the problem. Around seven out of ten students (65 per cent) said that cyberbullying had increased since Corona. Parents and teachers see it similarly, with 46 per cent each. In 2022, 355 teachers, 1,053 parents, and 3,011 students nationwide participated in the online survey, which was carried out in cooperation with Techniker Krankenkasse.
“I actually carry the bullying in my pocket all the time,” explains Hendrikje Schmidt from Crisis Chat, a psychosocial counseling service for children and young people, referring to her cell phone. This leads to many young people feeling helpless and powerless. “It never ends, and I can’t undo or stop it anymore.”
Cyberbullying can have serious consequences.
Jens Baas, CEO of Techniker Krankenkasse, explained that homeschooling and contact restrictions during the pandemic have led children and young people to spend even more time online. “This means conflicts are also being resolved more frequently over the internet.”
Cyberbullying is a psychological burden and can have serious health consequences. Physical complaints such as headaches or stomach aches are accompanied by anxiety and sleep disorders as well as dejection or depression, said Baas. Around one in six minors (15 per cent) have resorted to alcohol, pills or drugs out of desperation. Almost one in four of those affected express suicidal thoughts (24 per cent).
The survey looks not only at those affected but also at the perpetrators. Six per cent of the students surveyed said they had bullied someone online. What is striking is that the roles of perpetrator and victim can overlap. Almost one in five perpetrators have suffered from cyberbullying themselves.
More media literacy is needed.
The alliance called for strengthening prevention work against cyberbullying. Children must learn “social behaviour on the Internet.” It would also be desirable to have nationwide bullying advice centres and anonymous hotlines where people seeking help can turn.
The Alliance Against Cyberbullying, founded in 2011, is a network of parents, educators, lawyers, doctors, and researchers. It educates people about cyberbullying and offers help on the Internet to those affected.
Bullied and insulted
For queer people, school is often a time of suffering. According to a survey, almost half of them have experienced bullying. Teachers sometimes do not intervene when insults such as “faggot” are used.
The streets of Altenkirchen in the Westerwald are still empty when Greta Janzen walks through the town centre on a Sunday morning. Greta is 17, in the eleventh grade, and wants to take her A-levels. She went to secondary school until last summer when she came out as a lesbian. Some people had a problem with that. “It was always little things: when I was around, people called me a faggot or a transvestite, very often a transvestite. That sometimes hurts a little,” says Greta.
The insults were not constant, “but that was just how it was; it never went away.” Teachers hardly intervened when insults like “faggot” or “tranny” were used, but they did when insults like “slut” were used, says Greta.
And then I ask myself, what’s the difference? Why is a girl punished for calling another girl a slut, but not another person who insults me by calling me a transvestite or a faggot?
Almost half were bullied, according to a survey.
In 2020, the EU Fundamental Rights Agency FRA surveyed more than 16,000 queer people in Germany about their experiences – that is, everyone who is trans, intersex, non-binary or non-heterosexual. 48 per cent said they were bullied during their school years. 46 per cent said they never experienced anyone supporting or defending them during their school years. International studies also show that queer young people have a higher risk of suicide than non-queer young people.
“Bound to traditional role clichés.”
13 of the 16 state student representatives and the teachers’ union GEW told NDR that too little is being done in German schools to promote the acceptance of queer people. “Unfortunately, queerism, homophobia, transphobia and discrimination are still part of everyday life in schools,” says Julius van der Burg from the North Rhine-Westphalia state student representatives. The subject is highly taboo, especially in the lower grades, and coming out without negative consequences is often not possible. Only three state student representatives were unable to report any negative experiences.
The GEW criticises that not enough is being done to ensure that queer young people can have a fear-free time at school. Part of the problem is that queer topics are not covered enough, even in sex education classes. “The focus in schools is still on heterosexual love between the opposite sex, often tied to traditional role clichés,” says Janina Glaeser from the GEW executive board.
Many state student representatives also complain about a lack of knowledge and understanding among teachers. “Unfortunately, many students are just lucky to meet committed teachers who address these issues and promote diversity at their school,” says Fabia Klein, spokesperson for the Bavarian State Student Council.
Curricula not up to date
The Secretary General of the Federal Student Conference, Katharina Swinka, says that students need “visibility and safe places to go, especially during puberty, in the phase of finding themselves, to be able to identify themselves.” Not only teachers, but also social workers must be contact persons and confidants for queer students.
The chairman of the Saxony-Anhalt State Student Council, Moritz Eichelmann, is calling for “urgent workshops, training and further educational campaigns” for teachers. In addition, curricula and textbooks must be brought up to date.
A spokesman for the Standing Conference of the Ministers of Education and Cultural Affairs of the Länder in the Federal Republic of Germany (KMK) describes the criticism as “assessments of the practice in schools to which the KMK has difficulty responding” and refers to the individual states. He cannot name any particular concepts for queer students.
Germany only ranks 15th in Europe.
According to surveys, people in Germany have generally become more tolerant in recent decades and years, and the legal situation has also improved significantly. But queer people continue to be disadvantaged here.
The European Rainbow Index measures the level of legal equality for queer people in 49 countries. Germany ranks 15th in this year’s ranking – behind countries such as Montenegro, Malta, Denmark and France.
Discrimination through Transsexual Law
One discriminatory law in Germany is the Transsexual Law of 1980. According to this law, trans people must obtain two expert opinions and appear in court to change their first name. Those affected criticise that the most intimate questions are repeatedly asked, for example, about sexual preferences. According to the Federal Ministry for Family Affairs, the Transsexual Law will be abolished by the end of the year.
Greta Janzen now goes to a different school – in Cologne. There, the teachers support queer young people. “Our school’s slogan is also: school without homophobia, school with diversity,” she says. In this school, Greta can be who she is.
Everyday terror
Bullying is no longer a marginal phenomenon but affects many students in their authentic and digital lives. This can result in severe mental illnesses. They often receive too little help.
All parents probably want their children to feel comfortable at school. But for many students, everyday life is different: there is pressure in the classroom, not just because of the demand for performance. Bullying makes life difficult for many young people. According to a 2017 PISA study, one in six students aged 15 in Germany is affected by hostility.
Twice as many young people are afraid of violence, bullying or exclusion in the classroom and on the school playground or are so scared of getting into unpleasant situations and being exposed to danger on the way to school, according to a study by the Bertelsmann Foundation.
The risk of mental illness increases.
Scientists from the Alliance Against Cyberbullying speak of bullying when a person is exposed to targeted and systematic attacks such as hostility, harassment or discrimination that occur repeatedly and extend over a longer period.
The consequences can be severe if the attacks from classmates do not stop. Researchers have found that bullying increases the risk of mental illness many times over. According to a survey by Heidelberg University Hospital, 28 per cent of regular bullying victims report self-harm. Almost 47 per cent of young adults who are bullied even talk about suicidality, i.e. a desire for death, suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts.
Measures against bullying
What can parents and teachers do?
The most important thing is trust, says Tom Lehel, founder of the “Stop Bullying! Strengthen Children!” foundation. “Children need to have people they trust and can tell when something isn’t going right, and they don’t feel comfortable.” Parents are responsible for saying: “I am the rock in the storm. I listen to what you tell me, and I’m behind you.”
Because children spend more time at school, teachers must take on this role much more, says Lehel. “That’s why teachers also need training to recognise bullying and build this trust in the class.”
How do parents or teachers recognise bullying?
“If I notice that a behaviour change is taking place, that is, my child is becoming quieter, has lost his appetite, is withdrawing, says he has a stomachache and doesn’t want to go to school anymore,” recommends Lehel. Parents should simply ask their children what is wrong. Children want to protect their parents, he says.
No parent likes to hear that their child is a victim or a bully. “We have to get over that. We just have to speak up, learn that it’s in society, and do something about it. And we have to start with the parents, and I can only give this advice: admitting weakness is a strength, not a weakness.”
Changing schools doesn’t help with cyberbullying.
But bullying is no longer just a problem in the classroom. With the digital age, it has taken on a new dimension. Students are now also exposed to hostility at home – via smartphones, social networks, email or phone calls.
If bullying occurs digitally, even changing schools often doesn’t help. The number of potential bullies on the internet is limitless. In addition, perpetrators usually remain anonymous online, which can lower the inhibition threshold. So-called cyberbullying can lead to massive invasions of privacy by making intimate photos, messages, or addresses public.
Many perpetrators were themselves victims.
Suppose you look at the figures from a study by the Alliance Against Cyberbullying in Germany, Austria, and German-speaking Switzerland. In that case, bullying on the internet seems to be spreading like a virus. Eighty per cent of the perpetrators recorded there have themselves been victims of bullying or cyberbullying. The idea of the evil bully is, therefore, too short-sighted. The boundaries between perpetrator and victim are fluid.
Appropriate assistance is often unavailable or inaccessible. The Alliance Against Cyberbullying has found that only some schools implement systematic preventive measures. In a 2017 study, students reported preventive activities but also saw action potential. According to students, 29 per cent of schools offer assistance on how to deal with cyberbullying.
Bullies need an audience.
But it is not just children and young people who suffer from bullying. Bullying can occur anywhere where groups meet regularly. The issue can, therefore, also affect people in the workplace. Even teachers, who should ideally be experts in this area, are not exempt from bullying.
However, bullying is not just a dynamic between perpetrator and victim. Those who watch – the so-called bystanders – play a crucial role. Bullies usually need an audience. If no bystanders intervene in the situation, it has the effect of silent legitimisation – for the perpetrator and the victim.
Up to a third of young people are affected
When bullies come home
If bullies hack a profile online or use personal data for blackmail, it is no longer a joke but cyberbullying. One in three young people is said to be affected by this. The psychological burden is excellent. Nevertheless, some victims are perpetrators themselves.
When Lea gets a call from her sister, she initially doesn’t know what it’s about. Her name has been changed to “Dirty Slut” on an online network. Lea’s profile picture shows her sleeping. Below, it says: “Break between all my guys.” The seventh-grader, whose name we changed, is desperate. Who would do something like that to her? Her friends, perhaps, with whom she recently had an argument? She is paralysed and tries to clear her head.
But she can’t make any progress on her own. Only with the help of her sister does Lea turn to her principal and delete her profile. She creates a new one and chooses a different password. But she has hacked again. Friends are written to from her account and asked if they want to come to her. She has the house to herself and has a lot planned for them.
Violence, even in the children’s room
Psychologist Stephanie Pieschl has looked into Lea’s case. She says it is clearly cybermobbing – or, in technical terms, cyberbullying – because it involves repeated acts in which the balance of power is unbalanced.
“Cyberbullying is the continuation of bullying from the schoolyard through cyberspace into the children’s room,” says Uwe Leest, chairman of the Alliance Against Cyberbullying. Many young bullies underestimate what they are doing to their victims. Often, they just want to try it out. While children and young people usually don’t know what they are doing, it is different for adults, but cyberbullying is increasing among them, too.
Anonymity on the Internet makes cyberbullying brutal.
According to a recent study by the Alliance Against Cyberbullying, 17 per cent of all young people have been victims, and 19 per cent have been perpetrators. A global survey by Microsoft states that an average of 37 per cent of the young people surveyed have been affected by cyberbullying; in Germany, 39 per cent of children between the ages of eight and 17.
In general, the victim of cyberbullying is under a lot of stress. Since both sides can remain anonymous, the perpetrator only sees the victim’s reaction if the victim requests it. The perpetrator can remain undetected. “On the Internet, the inhibition to cause suffering is not as strong because you cannot see the effects directly,” says Angela Ittel, Professor of Educational Psychology at TU Berlin. In addition, the brutality has increased because an unpredictable number of people are involved via the Internet. If the victim also becomes the perpetrator, a spiral of violence develops.
Victims become perpetrators themselves.
Ruth Festl is researching cyberbullying at the University of Hohenheim. “So far, psychological aspects have been the main focus of research, but we would like to specifically look at the social aspects of cyberbullying,” she says. The Baden-Württemberg study found that a third of all young people have already been confronted with cyberbullying. Within this group, there are a third of victims, a third of perpetrators, and a third of young people who are both victims and perpetrators.
Festl is particularly interested in the perpetrator-victim group. These so-called aggressive victims, who also defend themselves or take revenge, are primarily secondary school students. A preliminary study showed that they are relatively well integrated into their classes, have many friends, and are often caught between several parties.
First point of contact: adult and confident
Lea does not belong to the group of victim perpetrators. She accepted the bullying as a stupid prank because she wanted to keep the peace at her secondary school. On the one hand, she did not want a public conflict that would have brought even more attention to her changed profile, and on the other hand, she had to see her classmates every day. In general, however, the Alliance Against Cyberbullying eV advises publicising all incidents to demonstrate that they will not be tolerated.
That’s why victims should seek help immediately to find the right solution. Answering or bullying back would be counterproductive. They should talk to teachers and parents and advise Ittel. “Young people can’t stop cyberbullying on their own, so they have to turn to adults.” She also sees great potential in peers who witness the bullying. They often know more about it than adults, so their help can be more effective. But to do that, they would have to really intervene.
If parents know about it, they should not ban the Internet or social media. “You have to signal that you understand the need and not primarily question the use of the network,” says Ittel.
Networks are part of everyday life.
Lea chose the direct route and confronted her former friends with her accusation after a few days. The attacks stopped. But they remain in Lea’s head. “I constantly look at my networks to see if anything has changed.” Since the incident, however, she has also been more careful with her accounts: “I am more careful with my passwords, and I no longer stay logged in to other people’s accounts,” she says. But she has not logged out of networks completely; they connect her with her friends.
The study by the Barmer Health Insurance company
Young people are increasingly experiencing cyberbullying
Hostility and insults on WhatsApp, Instagram or TikTok: Young people are increasingly becoming victims of bullying online. According to a Barmer health insurance company study, one in two people knows someone who has experienced this.
Young people are increasingly becoming victims of cyberbullying. This is the assessment made by the Barmer health insurance company in a survey reported by the AFP news agency. According to the study, in 2022, every second young person surveyed noticed that someone in their immediate environment had been affected by cyberbullying – that is, by hostility and insults on the Internet.
This figure was 43 per cent a year ago. The proportion of girls and boys who had not experienced any bullying on the Internet had fallen from 32 to 28 per cent.
Insults, rumours and stalking
According to the so-called Sinus Youth Study by Barmer, bullying is most frequently experienced on the messaging service WhatsApp, followed by the social networks Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. Bullying incidents on the TikTok platform have increased the most, by twelve percentage points. At 38 per cent, it is now the third most common place for cyberbullying among young people.
According to the study, young people reported insults as the most common form of cyberbullying – namely, 74 per cent. This was followed by spreading rumours and exclusion from groups, posting embarrassing videos or pictures and harassment. However, stalking and identity theft also continued to play a role.
Help from teachers and police.
Barmer CEO Christoph Straub called for easy access to help and contact points that those affected can trust. “The problem of cyberbullying is getting worse,” he explained. According to the survey, 19 per cent of those affected have received no help at all with cyberbullying attacks.
According to Barmer, teachers, online counselling services, and the police could also help. According to information, around 2,000 young people between the ages of 14 and 17 were surveyed nationwide for the study in October.
Cyberbullying continues to increase.
The number of cases of cyberbullying among young people is increasing. According to a study, young people are particularly exposed to insults, lies or the distribution of embarrassing images via the messaging service WhatsApp.
Young people in Germany are increasingly becoming victims of cyberbullying, according to a study commissioned by the health insurance company Barmer. Last year, around 16 per cent of adolescents were affected by bullying on the Internet, according to a survey by the Sinus Institute. In 2021, the figure was 14 per cent. More than ever, young people experience cyberbullying in their immediate personal environment. In 2021, the figure was 43 per cent.
Around 2,000 14- to 17-year-olds were surveyed for the youth study last year. Twenty-eight per cent of respondents said they had never heard of cyberbullying – four percentage points less than two years previously.
“Social” networks are bullying hotspots.
Fifteen per cent of those surveyed said they had yet to receive any help with cyberbullying attacks. “The faster the victims receive trustworthy help from parents, friends, schools, police, or advice centres, the better,” said Barmer CEO Christoph Straub. The victims must not be left alone.”
74 per cent of those affected reported insults as the most common form of bullying. Other forms included sharing rumours (52 per cent) and exclusion from groups (33 per cent). 32 per cent complained about posting embarrassing pictures and videos.
Bullying can spread uncontrollably on the Internet.
According to the study, cyberbullying most frequently occurs via the messaging service WhatsApp (52 per cent). This is followed by the networks TikTok and Instagram with 34 and 33 per cent, respectively.
Cyberbullying is the term used to describe bullying on the Internet. It is considered particularly dangerous because there are hardly any safe places to retreat to in online networks. The group of potential perpetrators and accomplices is also more significant because rumours, lies, and images can spread uncontrollably on the Internet.
Bullying at school – How can I help my child?
When do we speak of bullying?
Bullying at school is defined as repeated and regular harassment of individual schoolmates. Bullying can take place in different places. It often occurs at school, but insults also continue on the Internet, and young people are exposed and bullied. Bullying can take different forms at school. There are two types of bullying:
Direct bullying at school: threats and insults, public teasing, exposing the victim
Indirect bullying at school: exclusion, spreading false rumours about the victim, damaging property.
How does bullying arise?
The causes of bullying are complex and vary significantly from case to case. Anyone can be affected by bullying, regardless of age, type of school or self-confidence. Bullying can, therefore, occur in any class.
Causes of bullying can include excessive or insufficient demands, self-esteem problems on the part of the perpetrator, and a disturbed school or classroom climate. Certain personality traits and behaviours contribute to whether someone becomes a victim or a perpetrator.
Potential perpetrators look for weaknesses and “sore spots” in their victims where they are vulnerable and cannot defend themselves.
There are, among other things, the following reasons for so-called perpetrator behaviour:
Which children are “classic” victims of bullying?
Studies show that children are more likely to be bullied if, for example:
- have low self-esteem
- are physically weak
- are anxious, over-adapted and insecure
- belong to the sensitive and quiet personalities
- are excitable, aggressive and unwilling to adapt
- have characteristics that deviate from the class norm, such as skin colour, disability, weight, clothing
- be classified as an outsider, a “nerd”, or a “newcomer” in the class
- owning or doing something that causes social envy (e.g. expensive clothes, expensive hobbies, new technical devices)
How do parents know if their child is being bullied?
Children show that they are suffering from something in very different ways. Some parents should be sensitive to changes in their child’s behaviour. One indication may be that your child insists on being taken to school, suddenly shows an unwillingness to go to school, pretends to be ill, or even doesn’t go to school without your knowledge.
Other signs may include difficulty concentrating and learning, a deterioration in school performance, and atypical psychological changes such as irritability, nervousness, and hypersensitivity. In these cases, it is essential to determine whether bullying or perhaps another problem is the cause.
Can parents prevent bullying?
Growing up in a world characterised by trust, appreciation, and empathy, as well as setting appropriate boundaries, contributes to developing healthy self-confidence that does not come at the expense of others. This helps the child to deal constructively and successfully with everyday problems, including conflicts at school.
My advice:
- Listen carefully to your child when he or she talks about school. Ask questions to find out if everything is OK at school.
- Show your child how important he or she is to you by taking time and offering help, especially when he or she is sad.
- Maintain a lively and trusting exchange of conversations within the family.
- Give your child’s worries and problems equal importance.
- Praise your child (and not only when he or she gets good grades) and offer support when he or she doesn’t succeed at something.
- Be a role model in your tone of voice and in the constructive resolution of conflicts.
- Show interest in your child’s life and their circle of friends. Talk to them about friendships, how they spend their free time and what happens on the way to school.
- Talk to your child about bullying. Encourage them to speak up about bullying in the classroom, support the victim and inform teachers if necessary. Make it clear to them that this is not snitching.
- Stay in touch with teachers and the school. Use parent evenings, parent-teacher meetings, and office hours to ask about grades and discuss your child’s social behaviour and integration into the class.
What can parents do if their child is bullied?
If you believe your child is being bullied, notify the school and arrange an appointment with the class teacher. They should then work with you to address the child’s problems.
The child should not be encouraged to fight back. This could make the difficulties worse. Such behaviour could also be at odds with the child’s personality.
Instead, the child should be encouraged to make new friends. A child who has friends is less likely to be attacked.
Together with the teachers, they should think about steps that will help the child and are suitable for supporting him or her inside and outside of school.
No one should let the school fob them off but should insist that something be done. The best thing to do is to seek out a social worker at the child’s school. They can hold individual discussions in consultation with the class teacher.
How can parents and students stop bullying?
Since bullying often happens in secret at school, it can be challenging for teachers and parents to recognise the cases. Many victims, therefore, are faced with the question of where they can get help if they are the victims of bullying by their classmates. Even if this is often difficult, the best way is to confide in an adult. This person can then take appropriate steps and report the incident to the school, for example.
Then, it is the teachers’ duty to investigate the matter. If bullying at school has already caused serious psychological damage, a visit to a therapist can address these problems. Many schools have so-called trusted teachers. They can also be suitable contacts if students are being bullied.
Bullying among children and young people
Many children and young people have experienced bullying in their own classes. It is a phenomenon that shapes their everyday lives. Sometimes, it seems that the term is used indiscriminately. Any form of violence within the class that may affect an individual is then referred to as”bullying”. Experts advise taking a close look and not reacting too quickly.
Being bullied – what is it?
A student is bullied when an individual classmate or a group of students repeatedly bullies him or her over a more extended time (weeks and months), for example
says mean or unpleasant things to her/him,
teases him or her in a mean way again and again,
makes him or her look ridiculous in front of others,
pretends he/she doesn’t exist,
threatens or puts pressure on him or her,
locking him or her in a room or
take things away from him or her.
Over time, bullying behaviour increases in frequency and intensity. However, bullying does not mean that two students of almost equal strength argue, fight, or conflict with each other for fun.
How does bullying arise?
The causes of bullying are complex and vary greatly depending on the case. Anyone can be affected by bullying, regardless of age, type of school, or self-confidence. Bullying can occur in any class.
Bullying is usually caused by problems that can have different triggers.These include, for example, the perpetrator being over- or under-challenged, having self-esteem problems, or having a disturbed school or class climate. Certain personality traits and behaviours can influence whether someone becomes a victim or a perpetrator.
Potential perpetrators look for “sore spots” in potential victims, where the victim is vulnerable, cannot defend themselves, or deviates from the usual norm.If the perpetrator senses no resistance to the bullying, he or she feels encouraged to take further action against the victim. There are various reasons for this type of behaviour:
- Boredom and the need for variety,
- Taking out anger and rage on others,
- Compensating for one’s own weaknesses, fear and feelings of powerlessness by devaluing others,
own dissatisfaction at school (friendships, performance), - Passing on experienced injustice (e.g. violence in the family) to others,
lack of conflict resolution skills, - Interest in exercising power and control over others,
- Desire for recognition in the class,
personal motives, such as competition, envy, xenophobia, etc., - own experience as a victim of bullying.
Studies show that children often become victims of bullying when they …
- have low self-esteem,
- are physically weak,
- are anxious, over-adapted and insecure,
- belong to the sensitive and quiet personalities,
- are excitable, aggressive and unwilling to adapt,
- have characteristics that deviate from the class norm (e.g., colour, disability, weight, clothing),
- be classified as an outsider, a “nerd”, a “newcomer” in the class,
- owning or doing something that causes social envy (e.g.expensive clothes, expensive hobbies, new technical devices) or
- Conflict-avoiding behaviour or over-adaptation learned in the family.
Parents can prevent
A parenting style characterised by trust, appreciation, and empathy, as well as by setting appropriate boundaries, contributes to the development of healthy self-confidence that does not come at the expense of others. This helps the child deal constructively and successfully with everyday problems, including conflicts at school.
To practice this type of parenting style and to be helpful to your own children, it is worth following these tips:
- Listen carefully to your child when he or she talks about school. Ask questions to find out if everything is OK at school.
- Show your child how important he or she is to you by taking time and offering help, especially when he or she is sad.
- Maintain a lively and trusting exchange of conversations within the family.
- Give your child’s worries and problems equal importance.
- Praise your child (and not only when he or she gets good grades) and offer support when he or she doesn’t succeed at something.
- Be a role model in your tone of voice and in the constructive resolution of conflicts.
For example, address problems immediately, using I statements instead of your accusations: “I’m annoyed that you didn’t do the dishes; that gives me extra work.” Instead of “You didn’t do the dishes again!” Avoid blaming and devaluing; find a solution to problems together.
Show interest in your child’s life and their circle of friends. Talk to them about friendships, how they spend their free time, and what happens on the way to school.
Talk to your child about bullying. Encourage them to speak up about bullying in class, support the victim, and inform teachers if necessary. Make it clear to them that this is not snitching!
Stay in touch with teachers and the school. Use parent evenings,parent-teacher meetings, and office hours to ask about grades and discuss your child’s social behaviour and integration into the class.
How do I know if my child is a victim of bullying?
Children show that they are suffering from something in very different ways. Some symptoms that indicate bullying can also have other causes. As a parent, you should pay close attention to changes in your child’s behaviour. One indication may be that your child absolutely wants to go to school, suddenly shows an unwillingness to go to school, pretends to fail, or even doesn’t go to school without your knowledge.
Other signs may include concentration and learning difficulties or a deterioration in school performance, as well as atypical psychological changes such as irritability, nervousness, and hypersensitivity. In these cases, it is important to sensitively determine whether bullying or perhaps another problem is the cause.
Have you noticed changes in your child’s social behaviour due to extreme withdrawal and secrecy? Is contact with classmates even decreasing? Does your child frequently experience headaches or stomach aches, loss of appetite, and sleep disorders?
These individual symptoms indicate that your child has a problem. Investigate these abnormalities and find out the reason for the change.
Your child may be demanding more pocket money or their clothes may be damaged or even physically injured. These can be signs of advanced bullying that require immediate intervention. In some cases, criminal offences such as extortion or physical assault may already have been committed, which must be reported.
Could you be sure to speak to your child’s school about this?
What should I do if my child is being bullied?
- It is an emotional challenge when your own child is affected or involved in bullying processes. Listening carefully and asking questions are just as important as well-considered measures, which are best carried out in consultation with your child and the teachers.
- If you believe your child is a victim of bullying, notify the school and ask for an appointment with the class teacher, who should address your child’s problems.
- If the bullying against your child continues, keep a diary. This is painful, but it will help answer important questions: WHAT EXACTLY happened, HOW, WHERE and WHEN, and WHO was involved? Who are the WITNESSES?
- Encourage your child not to hit back. That would worsen the problems, and such behaviour could also be at odds with your child’s personality.
- Instead, encourage your child to make new friends. A child who has friends is less likely to be attacked.
- Work with the responsible teacher to consider measures that will help your child and that are suitable for supporting him or her inside and outside of school. Be persistent and insist that something be done.
- Contact the social worker at your child’s school. They can hold individual discussions with your child and the perpetrator in consultation with the class teacher.
- Contact the parents’ representatives if you do not receive help from the teachers. Ask for a parents’ evening to be called.
- Inform a higher authority (advisory teacher, school management, school psychological service, school board) if you feel that the bullying problem is not being taken seriously and resolved by the class teacher or the parents’ representatives.
- Seek external advice and help if your child is suffering so much from the situation that he or she is exhibiting severe psychosomatic symptoms (educational advice centres, school psychologist, child and youth therapist).
- Register your child for a stand-up training session if he or she wants to
- Exchange experiences with other affected people, e.g. on the Internet.
Short-term tips for your child
Contacting the perpetrator’s parents immediately is not helpful, as experience shows that this can exacerbate the conflict.
Necessary for a parent-child conversation:
- A bullied child needs trust in the adults and wants
- that you listen to him and believe him,
- that it can talk openly about the incidents
- that it can control the situation better
- that it becomes more self-confident and
- that it regains self-confidence and self-esteem.
Helpful parental responses:
- Help your child become aware of his or her feelings and thoughts about the bullying incident: “How are you? What are you feeling? What are you thinking?”
- Accept your child’s feelings, such as anger, rage and shame.
- Try to get more information: “What happened? What will happen next?”
- Observe or ask whether your child shows physical or psychological symptoms.
- Avoid making accusations or downplaying the situation: “You have to defend yourself and not just put up with everything! They must have been annoying you for a reason! It will pass on its own; just wait and see.”
- Help your child to think about his or her behaviour: “What could you have done? And what could that have caused?” Make it clear, however, that your child is not to blame for being bullied.
- Discuss possible solutions with your child: “What could you do now? What else would be possible?”
- Help your child decide on a solution and offer your help: “That’s a good idea. How can I help you?”
Generally, as a parent, you should also be prepared to think critically about your parenting behaviour: Have you perhaps not encouraged your child’s self-confident behaviour enough? Or have you left your child too burdened to deal with unpleasant things? Or are you possibly unsure or afraid of conflict when it comes to dealing with conflicts?
If you want to effectively change your parenting behaviour, you should seek professional advice or, if necessary, therapeutic support.
Practical tips for your child:
- If bullying happens on the way to school, take a different route or join neighbours’ children.
- Avoid the perpetrator and his/her clique (this is usually only possible to a limited extent).
- Do not take valuable items to school.
- When using hurtful language, pretend you didn’t hear or understand the language.
- Making confusing or distracting comments such as, “It could be,” or “If you mean it.”
- Stabilize your self-esteem by practising phrases like: “That’s their problem, not mine.” “I’m OK.” or “If you show off, you must.”
- Instead of reacting when someone attacks, ask an older student or teacher for help. This is not snitching; it is a human right!
- If classmates have helped before, ask them immediately for help again.
- Look the “attacker” clearly and firmly in the eye and say: “I don’t want this; stop immediately.” And then, if possible, walk away without showing any noticeable haste.
- Practice specific breathing techniques that reduce stress and help with more confident body language.
- Also, talk to the teachers and think about practical solutions that do not worsen the child’s situation.
Medium term: Strengthening the class community
Bullying is not an individual problem, but it often occurs when there are no good class community and no rules for social behaviour.
Therefore, it is essential that the whole class works on bullying and strengthening the class community, either by a teacher or external specialists, who can be provided by the district and city youth protection officers. The contact persons can be found on the relevant websites.
Get other parents in the class involved and support the teachers in such projects!
Long-term: institutionalise prevention
If necessary, with the support of the parents’ council, you can also suggest that social learning and bullying prevention be included in the school program and firmly institutionalised. For example, a school-wide intervention chain can regulate how to proceed in cases of bullying. An anti-bullying convention can also be used to agree on how all groups involved in the school should behave.
Important: Prevent the victim role from becoming entrenched!
If a child is the victim of bullying attacks, they will initially withdraw to avoid attacks. If these do not stop, they will feel helpless and incompetent. Further attacks contribute to the child accepting the victim role and possibly blaming themselves. The result is often loneliness. They withdraw from the class community and from their circle of friends. Their self-esteem is severely affected, and they lose the ability to make contact with other people.
Studies have shown that if bullying victims are not dealt with, they will “take” their victim problem with them to another class or school, to vocational training, and later to the workplace. This increases the likelihood that these people will become victims of bullying again. In order to prevent these long-term consequences, it is therefore strongly recommended that parents consistently ensure that the bullying is stopped.
What should I do if my child is a perpetrator?
The temptation to defend and protect your child is excellent and understandable from a parent’s point of view. However, trivialising the behaviour that occurred is just as unhelpful as threatening sanctions, such as not being allowed out or being banned from using the computer or television for three days.
First, clarify the situation in a conversation with the class teacher:
- What happened, how, where, when, and who was involved?
- What exactly did my child do?
- What could the motives have been?
- Make it clear that you take the problem seriously and willtalk to your child.
- Express your wish to be informed about your child’s future behaviour. After speaking to your child, arrange another meeting with the teacher. After speaking to your child, coordinate the educational approach at school and at home with the teacher.
Tips for the parent-child conversation:
- In a specific bullying incident, the misbehaviour must be clearly and unambiguously identified, but the child must be respected as a person.
- Talk to your child about the incident.
- Describe objectively and calmly what you learned about it, for example, from the class teacher.
- Try to find out the motives behind the bullying behaviour and avoid blaming others.
- Set boundaries and make it clear that you will not toleratethese bullying actions.
- State consequences if the behaviour remains unchanged. These must be directly related to the incidents.
- Give your child support to change behaviour.
- Make it clear that you are in contact with the teacher and that there is an exchange about behaviour.
- Do not contact the victim or the parents to defend themselves or apologize. Experience shows that this only escalates the conflict.
- Also, talk to the teachers and think about practical solutions that do not worsen the child’s situation.
- Courage to confront and set boundaries is required, but the basic principle always separates person and behaviour!
- My child as a perpetrator – medium and long-term options
- If you feel that you cannot influence your child sufficiently on your own, seek external advice (educational counselling centre, school psychologist, child and youth therapist).
In general, as a parent, you should also be prepared to think critically about your own parenting and social behaviour:
– Have you placed much value on asserting your own interests at the expense of others? Do you tend to be devaluing or aggressive in conflict situations, which your child may have copied from you?
– Avoid negative expressions, taunts, or nicknames in the family. In everything you do, you are a role model for your child.
If you want to change your social or parenting behaviour effectively, you should seek professional advice or, if necessary, therapeutic support.
Information for parents whose children are bystanders
The largest group in bullying is the bystanders. The students take on different roles within this group: Some passive bystanders stay out of everything. Then, some individual students temporarily take the perpetrator’s side and support the bullying or encourage the perpetrator in their actions. Other students come to the victim’s aid and make it clear to the perpetrator that they reject the behaviour or will inform the teacher about it. The larger this group is, the fewer opportunities the perpetrator has to continue the actions.
Parents must encourage their child to intervene actively as an observer of bullying incidents.
Ask your child to report incidents where classmates were bullied. Encourage your child to support victims of bullying. Encourage them to call teachers immediately in acute situations. I would like to let you know that this is not snitching!
Cyberbullying – What can I do about it?
Cyberbullying occurs when students are deliberately defamed, threatened or harassed without the consent of those affected by publishing text, images or videos on the Internet, via email or SMS (e.g. through embarrassing pictures on YouTube or fake forum posts on Facebook etc.).In contrast to classic bullying, the perpetrators of cyberbullying can appear anonymously. Nevertheless, their actions often constitute a criminal offence.
Measures against cyberbullying
As a parent, you can do the following:
- Pay more attention to your child’s online activities.
- Discuss with your child how they can reduce the risk of becoming a victim of cyberbullying, for example, by protecting their privacy online.
- It is essential to collect material as evidence if you want to take action against the perpetrator.
- If the child has already become a victim, you must support him or her, as he or she usually cannot take action against it alone.
- Talk to your child about how to best deal with attacks and what strategies help you defend yourself against them.
- If the child is directly harassed, he or she should not react to the attacks, as this will encourage the perpetrator to continue.
- The most effective strategy is to download the material and send it to the attacker’s parents if they are known.
- You can also contact teachers or school management. If necessary, suggest that the topic of “interacting with one another via the Internet or mobile phone” be addressed in class.
- Inform the service provider or forum operator so that relevant entries are deleted. You have a right to injunctive relief.
Particular information on school disciplinary measures
If bullying patterns have become entrenched in a class, it is often logical to consider moving the victim to a parallel class or even another school. The initiative usually comes from the victim’s parents, who hope to defuse the situation for their child in the short term There is no general answer to whether this decision is the right one.
From an educational point of view, it is essential to consider the possible effects on the people involved in the bullying process:
Perpetrator: We successfully bullied the victim out of the class.
Victim: If I stay, I will continue to be bullied. There is no guarantee that I will be better off in the other class. I still don’t know how to defend myself.
Audience: Now, we don’t have to deal with that anymore. I have to be careful not to become a victim myself; otherwise, I’ll have to leave the class, too.
Teachers: Now it’s quiet; the main problem has been solved for now.
Excluding the perpetrator from the class and working through the situation with the remaining classmates to prevent further bullying by other victims is more complex but more useful for the learning experience. Improving the class community and (re-)integrating the bullied student into the class should be the real goal of educational efforts.
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